Rebekah Caton is not a crazy lesbian.

We think.

Jon Cinque's story is a typical one. One morning, after a particularly awesome party, he awoke to discover himself in a pair of tights and a doublet, suddenly a card carrying member of the Underground Shakespeare Company. Still unsure of how he got here or what exactly had transpired that fateful night, Jon never the less has stayed with the company. He also kept the tights.

Phil Deerwester's love of refind classical drama and extreme sports have fianlly found the perfect marriage in the swashbuckling role of Laertes.

Look for Gaelle Gouraige's debut work as a playwright, Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are Alive and Well and Living in Paris, premiering this spring.

Much like Clark Kent/Superman, Matt Kolasa keeps his true identity a secret. Known by most as a mild mannered undergraduate, beneath this facade is a well trained fencing machine, ready to defend the honor of maidens fair far and wide.

For this production of Hamlet, the Underground Shakespeare Company decided to cut a two page speech dedicated to how wonderful Horatio is. However, for the record, we're still pretty keen on Maura Kruase.

Emma Morgenstern is worth the two hour and fifteen minute wait for her first line. Next season, she's going to try and top that by making her first enterance twenty-minutes after the play is over. Her new book on acting: The Art of Delayed Gratification will be published soon. Well, soon-ish.

Rebecca Orel will be more than happy to schedule in time to write this biography. She'll try to squeeze it in sometime between class, rehearsal, sorority affairs, ironing costumes, work and the occassional full night's sleep.

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The newest member of the Underground Shakespeare Company, Alex Robertson

Rachel Stone is quite pleased to be playing Guildenstern, despite the overpowering flashbacks about being in 6th grade her costume have brought on.

Amelia Williams, a freshman, rejoins the Underground Shakespeare Company after her appearance last season in Julius Caesar. Amelia came to the company as a high school senior as part of our community outreach program - in which we take gullible high school students and trick them into Shakespearian servitude.

Patrick Wolff is not exactly sure how to pronounce his characters name.

.J. Michael DeAngelis is refusing to write a biography as a token of support in the Writer's Guild of America strike. Solidarity, brothers!

Mike Reali, the inventor of Silly Putty, recently published his first book of collected photographs. Entitled Blue Milk: The Myth and the Magic, the work is a series of shots recreating the scenes from Star Wars set on the Lars Moisture Farm, featuring different celebrities as Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. The most famous of these pictures, featuring Woody Allen and Soon Ye Previn, won the prestigious George Lucas Award For Endless Meddling in 2006. This is Mr. Reali's third artistic contribution to the Shakespeare saga, following Episode I: The Lear-ing Menace and Episode II: Attack of the Iago.

By law, The Underground Shakespeare Company has to deny all knowledge of Zoya Abdikulova. Student by day, Olympic Fencer-turned deadly assassin by night, Ms. Abdikulova is known in international circles as "The Viper." Helped by her loyal sidekick, Matt Kolasa, she travels round the world training Shakespearian actors in her ancient art of deadly combat - assembling her army of sword wielding actors and waiting for the right moment to strike...

After a brief solo career (and a short stint on Dancing with the Stars), Allison Johnson is thrilled to be reunited with her old partner in crime, Rachel Aronson. Though Ms. Johnson worked mostly behind the scenes on this production, she is already planning a comeback tour with Ms. Aronson in 2008. The two superstars are also hard at work on their first major motion picture - Othello II: The Return of Old Sooty Bosom.

Chris Johnson hopes that by the year 2015, the world knows the famous pharmaceutical corperation Johnson & Johnson as Johnson, Johnson & Johnson.

Caitlin Light. The job is in the name.