Rachel Aronson is a girl. Or maybe a wagon. Filled up with pancakes. She's going to add an extra two As to her last name so she can be at the top of the list again.

Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's Chip Boisvert! This is truly the only explanation for Chip, who is currently performing in his third Underground show of the year, an incredible trifecta, while simultaneously applying to top-tier law schools and participating in an active Greek life (not the kind that involves pederasty). When not saving babies, old women, and unreasonably adorable dogs from burning buildings, Chip spends his free time on his script for the major motion picture "Forkball," which he is writing with Jeff Aaronson.

Deep in the heart of Texas, J.R. Cromer dreamed of the day he would rule all of France. Now that day has come. J.R. would have written this bio himself, but he left something imperfect in the state which since his coming forth is thought of, which imports to the kingdom so much fear and danger that his personal return was most required and necessary.

Aaron Dinkin reminds you to prevent the foul fiend. A graduate student in the linguistics department, Aaron is always fond of saying: Acta est fabula, plaudite!

Jeremy James's accent isn't actually real. You see, a few years ago Jeremy suffered a severe blow to the head during a rousing game of hide-and-seek (somebody didn't want to be sought), thus injuring the primary language centers in his brain. In reality, Jeremy hails from Tupelo, Mississippi. The ghastly pale skin and sunken eyes, however? Those are all him.

If you've ever asked "Oswald? Who?" after seeing Chris Johnson's performance, you will surely say "Oswald! Ho!"   While his many beatings at the hands of women are memorable enough, he laments that you were never there at rehearsal to see him slain by Aaron and his imaginary walking stick!  If you thought you weren't going to laugh during King Lear, Sugar Daddy is looking forward to proving you wrong.  His untimely death prevented him from writing this bio himself.

Jenn Rainey, one of the "Texas Three", was literally pulled off the street and made to audition for this production. While she's very happy to be playing the role of Regan, she's also looking into several kidnapping lawsuits. (The Underground Shakespeare Company's legal team has asked us not to comment at this time).

Mike Reali exists only in your imagination. Born to poor immigrant parents from Canada, he bravely served three tours of duty with the Copenhagen postal service. Known mainly for his drunken exploits and his stint as the drummer for AC/DC, Mike Reali now leads a peaceful life. Having retired in 1997, Reali made headlines a year later when he was the first Star Wars fan to successfully sue George Lucas for severe mental trauma. For tax purposes, Mr. Reali has been legally dead since 2001, but has kindly resurfaced to create the stunning poster art for King Lear.

Katie Kuhl is the ASSISTANT producer! Katie regrets that no bears appear in this version of King Lear.

Zoya Abdikulova and her team of well trained assassins, Matt Kolasa and Corey Purcell were kind enough to wave their standard fees to transform this team of rag tag actors into the killing machines they are today. Thanks to them, Chris Johnson, JR Cromer, Jeremy James, Joshua Yap and Aaron Dinkin came into this production boys and are leaving lethal weapons. Well, except Josh - who already knew how to blow things up.